Here's To A New Year

The first month of 2014 is passing fast and I feel the need to type out some new goals for the new year. Along with my goals, I feel the need to vent and refresh where I am in life. The past few years has been tough for me. Losing a sister unexpectedly, dealing with the grief, losing nearly all of my material things in a house fire, including all of our new house things from our wedding shower, having another child when I wasn't ready, relationship issues, and in general, depression that I've been afraid to admit. After all, I have a beautiful family and from face value, have no reason to be depressed. But I have been, and I believe I've just recently came out of it. With it, I have a refreshed feeling for life and I'm actually looking forward to what the future holds for me again. I have learned a lot about myself these past few years and I've faced ghosts from my past. I've faced thing I didn't want to and in doing so I've grown. I feel like a better person.

One thing that is better in life is my relationship with my husband. Me and Logan have finally gotten through our rough patches and are now stronger than ever, not to say that we don't still get aggravated with each other some times, but we are a team and we want the same things in life and are working together to get there. In April we will have been together for 9 years, with half of that time being rough patches. We've been perfectly fine for over 2 years now and have learned how to avoid stupid fights. We are still working on talking out our problems and frustrations, but we both grow stronger with time. With all we've been through, he still makes me smile and laugh, he feels like home, and I hope that never changes. I'm excited for the changes that are coming to our lives this next year and I pray we hold strong.

Looking back at my past I see many things I'm not proud of. I was mean to people, I let other people push me around and hurt me, I was used and I used others, I was selfish and jealous, I bragged, I was embarrassed,  I was stupid and childish. I did things then that I wouldn't dare do now. I can honestly say I've grown tremendously in the last several years. I feel wiser and older. Me and Logan have both grown so much that I feel like were an old couple now. I've gotten all the stuff from my past off my chest, even things from when I was 5 years old. I've opened up to Logan and told him things I've never told anyone and in doing so I feel like I can put things in the past where they belong and focus on the future.

Another thing that is better in my life is my new sense of purpose and my increased self-esteem. In gaining an education and a job, I have gained a lot of self-esteem and self-confidence. I feel better about myself and I enjoy being able to provide for my family financially, as well as emotionally and mentally, even though it can be taxing. When I first had Nikolai, I just knew that I did not want to be a stay-at-home mom, and that I had to provide for my family financially. In the past couple of years I've realized that home is just the place I want to be. I enjoy the time with my kids, cooking, cleaning, teaching, routines, and yes maybe a little bit of micro-managing. But, home is not the only place that God has put me in. He has given me a job in which I can help others and I intend to do so until I can work part-time. Logan is currently pursuing his degree, he is smart and is attending classes regularly. I'm excited for him and I enjoy encouraging him in his pursuit for a better life for us. Only another year or so and then we'll be doing pretty good financially, which excites me.

A glimpse into my current routine: My daily routine includes: waking up early to get ready, get the kids ready, make breakfast, send them on their way (Me and Logan take turns taking them to school) then I'm off to work, (some days I get to spend my lunch break with the kids or Logan), I come home to them meeting me at the door with love and sometimes their problems from the day, I get comfy and then I make sure everyone has eaten, I clean a little, I help Nikolai with homework, I play some battle ship with him, spend some time reading books to Victoria, and then I cuddle with Alexandria, then bath time and bed time, and when their finally out I spend some time talking to Logan and watching a little t.v., not long after I'm out and soon to start the day over again.

My goals for the new year, (none that I'm going to stress over): My biggest goal is to buy a house, and I've spotted a few I really like. We both have good credit scores, we just have to find the right place for us. If buying a house is impossible then we'll just rent. My goal is to have our own place by May! I want to pay off our personal loan and one of my student loans. I want to master my job and the paperwork. I want to spend more quality time with my children everyday. I want to wean Alexandria from the breast. I want to sit straighter for better posture. I want to avoid eating fast food everyday for lunch just because it's faster and easier. I really want to learn how to handle my stress better. Have a date night once a month. And finally, I want to travel, even if it's to local places.

Places we want to go this year if finances allow it:
February- Chattanooga, TN- IHOP, Aquarium/Tennessee Valley Railroad, Chuck E. Cheeses, Rock City
April- Romantic getaway for me and Logan if I can wean Alexandria from her night-time feeding!
May- Family Pictures!
June/July- Who knows? Hopefully the beach!
August- Huntsville, Al- Space and Rocket Center
October- TN-Amish Community, and the Pumpkin Patch
December- Christmas on the Rocks, The Polar Express, and hopefully the Smokies.

I hope with my renewed sense of self this will be the start of a new era for me. I intend to enjoy my year this year. I hope I can make good meaningful memories and spend the most time I can possibly spend with my children. Their only little once and I intend to soak in every possible moment allowed to me, minus a few occasional date nights when we can manage to get a baby sitter!

I hope everyone has a great year in 2014!
God Bless!


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