Transitions

Wow, this year has flown by so far. From January to April I interned with DHR for 4 days a week. This meant that Alexandria, only 8 weeks old, had to go into daycare for 3 days a week!! I cried and cried over this. Victoria had to go to for the first time too and I cried and cried some more. I did not want to leave my children with people I barely knew. Great Grandma is getting too old to care for children and my mother has to work. Nikolai was enrolled in Head Start and he loves it. Leaving my girls was so incredibly hard. The day I left them I had to go to Gadsden and Logan felt so bad for me that he called into work and went with me, I cried all the way to Gadsden. Logan was very supportive. I knew I had to leave them so I could finish school. I started school with my children on my mind. With divorce statistics so high, I never wanted to be put in a position that I will be a divorced mom that has to work a minimum wage job and barely get by. I wanted my children to have more opportunities than I did. Chances to learn, explore, travel, play, and simply enjoy life more. My 4 months of work passed quickly, and my children survived and are as close to me as ever. I graduated in May with my Master's Degree in Social Work. I plan to stay home with my kids until early September. Unfortunately, May and June passed by quicker than I wished they would have. I wanted this summer to soak in my children and to get back to "me." I want to spend each and every day loving my children, playing with and teaching them. It has been a transition for me to be at home, with no homework to worry about. I have always had a strict schedule of school work and my days were structured to some extent. Now I get bored easily with no structure other than the one I create. I have structure in my head and on paper but acting it out is a different story. Most days I feel like I spend it cooking, cleaning, breastfeeding, changing diapers, and serving three children and a husband. Some days I don't soak in that love like I want to. It's hard to balance just a home and children and then add spending quality time on top of that. May was spent finishing up the kids school and transitioning to being at home all the time with no work. June was spent relaxing. I tried to make the kids stick to a schedule and do chores, and although I found it possible, it was also tiring. I decided that I was going to relax in a sense that I was not going to be so worried about the bedrooms being clean, instead I was going to let the kids be themselves and do what they want to do to an extent. If an argument arose, I tried to let the kids solve it for themselves. If their room got messy, I would mention it, and eventually they would clean it themselves. I did make sure that they had some sort of educational experience each and every day and I feel proud of myself for that. We also took weekly trips to the library, speech therapy, and the park. We spent several days swimming, and the kids are quite improving. We even managed a few play dates! For July, I plan to get rid of things we don't need and simplify things in our home. Although it may seem sad, I will schedule individual time with each of my children every day. With all the housework, its easy to not have time for sitting down and having one on one time with my children. My children are so awesome and it makes me feel like a bad mother for not getting to show each of them the amount of attention they deserve. I will care less about the housework and focus even more on my children. Children are only little once and I will be going to work soon, so I vow to spend quality time with my children while I can. I will show them I love them as much as I feel inside.

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